Through The Dawn of Blood
by Jasmine James
Summary: I knew it had to happen sometime. I happens to everyone. I just never thoguht it would happen so soon.  And to me.


**Hello all. Just want you all to know that this IS NOT A ONE SHOT! Threre will be more chapters.**

**This isn't very happy either.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the book The Outsiders.**

**-Jasmine**

**Hello all. Just want you all to know that this IS NOT A ONE SHOT! Threre will be more chapters.**

**This isn't very happy either.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the book The Outsiders.**

**-Jasmine**

Lying here, I am starting to think this isn't so bad. I won't be able to walk... but I saved those kids. I'll never fight in a rumble again... but I saved those kids. I saved those kids. That is all that matters. All this pointless fighting... someone is going to get killed. Someone did get killed...

By me.

All that time, lying in that church... Pony was good at distracting me but it would never last long. I know what I am: a criminal. A killer. A murderer.

A monster.

I guess I am getting what I deserve here. God is punishing me. I guess that is why I don't mind dying so much now. Before, I was scared. It is true, I have missed out on a lot in life. I don't care so much now. I am only getting what I deserve. I welcome death with open arms. I let my eyes flutter close. I can feel how easy it would be to just give up. Right now. I take slower breaths and start to lose the world around me.

It's nice.

I come back with a shuddering breath. No. I have to wait. Now now. I need to make sure Dallas doesn't so anything stupid. I have to talk to Ponyboy...

Hopefully Ponyboy will visit me after the rumble. I can get him to tell Dallas... I feel so weak. If they do not come tonight I will never tell them. I don't make it another day, I know it. What if I never get to tell them? What if I can't make it to see them...?

Any of them...?

I press the button that calls the nurse and wait for her. She is a nice lady. She reminds me of Mrs. Curtis like that. Mrs. Crutis was so nice to me... Whenver my parents kicked me out and I was going to spend the night in the vacent lot or something she took me in and gave me a place to sleep. I really dig that. I guess that is why I don't mind nurse Shelby. That, and she doesn't just think I am some hood who deserves to die...

Too bad I am.

"Is something wrong, Johnny?" She asks me. I shake my head and wish I hadn't. My whole body hurt. Well, the upper half at least.

"What is it you need then?" I love Shelby's voice. It is so soft... so soothing. I almost ask her if she would just talk to me until I died. It wouldn't be that long... No. I have to stay for Ponyboy and Dallas and the gang. I have to stay alive... a few more hours.

"Will you write something for me?" I ask her. She nods and I just begin talking. It is almost like I am talking to Ponyboy. When I finish I feel a bit better. I ask her to put it in my book, _Gone With the Wind_, Pony would probably take it home after I died. Hopefully he would find it. I whispered out a thank you to Shelby and she left. All that talking took a lot of my energy. They have to come soon. I can't last much longer...

They would find the letter, right?

My worring is cut short when I hear someone walk in. I want look around or open my eyes, expecting it to be Shelby. The skin on my neck is still sore. It hurts. I can't. I stay perfectly still.

"Johnnycake?" A horse voice calls out, "Johnny?" I am suddenly confused. Isn't Dallas in another hospital room? Maybe he got out for the rumble... like it matter. Life is so short why do people waste so much time _fighting_? I tried my best to look lively but it took a lot of energy. I got my eyes open. I can use all of my energy now, I'm going to die in a few minutes anyhow.

"Hey." I say quietly.

"We won." Dallas told me. He sounded out of breath. I hope he didn't get hurt too bad...

"We beat the Socs," He told me, "We stomped them – chased them outa our territory." Again with the fighting. Fighting. Fighting. Fighting.

"Useless... fighting's no good..." I tell him quiety. I am stunned by how strong my voice is. How much work is going into is. Do they think it's stong? No... they know I am dying too...

"They're still writing editorials about you in the paper." Dallas goes on to tell me, "For being a hero and all." I wish he wouldn't talk so fast... it's hard to keep up, "Yeah, they're calling you a hero and heroizing all the greasers. We're all proud of you, buddy." I wish I could smile. I want to smile at this. I hope Dallas can see how happy that makes me. He is proud of me. You can always count on Dallas. Even when I'm a murderer... He is still proud of me.

Still proud of a murderer.

I once again feel sick with myself. I remember why I wanted to talk to these two for so long. The only reason I've bothered hanging on to life so long.

"Ponyboy." I say. Talking is using a lot more energy than I remember. He comes close and I see his green gray eyes. He always hated the green parts. I think they're nice. I think they make him look different and special. I suddenly want to tell him this. It is clear though that I won't be able to say much. What small message can I tell him that he will understand? That he will get the long deep meaning of? Oh... I hope he finds that letter. The was such a good book... Pony is smart... he'll figure it out. He knows a lot of things. Like that poem... That poem...

"Stay gold, Ponyboy." I whisper, "Stay gold." He'll get the message... he has to...

With that I fall back onto the pillow and take my last breath.

…

I look down on the scene. The small boy lying on the hospital bed looks so pitiful. He has been through a lot. I'm stuck in a trance but am pulled out when Dallas stands up quickly. He turns and walks right at me. I brace myself for the impace but he goes right through me. He runs out the door and I frown. I hope he doesn't do anything stupid... Pony still sits at my bed side not moving. I slap him on the back of the head.

"Get going." I tell him in a teasing voice, "I'm fine. Look." I start to walk around the room. I run. I skip.

I'm happy.

After a moment Pony stands up and leaves. I sigh. Now that they're gone... where am I going to go? Hell, I suppose... I'm a killer.

Killer's go to Hell.

At least, while I'm burning in Hell, I'll be able to walk... or will they take that away from me too?

"Johnny?" A voice calls out to me. I don't turn around. Maybe it's Shelby, coming to find me dead...

"Johnny." The voice says again and I feel a hand on my shoulder. I jump, not thinking that anyone knew I was there. Once you're dead... aren't people NOT supposed to see you? Maybe it's God... maybe he is going to tell me I have to go down to Hell now... I turn around and see... Darry?

God looks like Darry?

I look closer at they eyes and see that this isn't Darry. Darry doesn't have brown eyes.  
"Mr. Curtis?" I ask. He chuckles and put's a hand on my shoulder.

"Good to see you again Johnny." He tell me and then calls over his shoulder, "Marget! He's in here!" Then, Mrs. Curtis walks in. I want to start laughing. It's so good to see them again! To see them... alive...? No... they're dead.

I'm dead.

"Why are you here?" I ask, "You aren't going to Hell." Mrs. Curtis gives me a warm smile and shakes her head.

"Neither are you, darling."

"What?" I ask.

"You are a very noble and loving person." Mr. Curtis tells me, "People like you don't go to Hell." I look down, still confused.  
"Come on." Mrs. Curtis tells me, "You can stay at our house. We'll wait for the others." She puts and arm around my waist and Mr. Curtis put's an arm around my shoulders. I look between the both of them. It's like I have parents. Parents who actually love me.

People who actually love me.

Maybe death isn't so bad.


End file.
